Should Believers Grieve a Loved One's Death?

​Since the sudden, unexpected death of our son-in-law, Aaron, Amanda's husband and the father of Alli, Wesley, and Max, the question has been asked about grief in the life of believers.

Since we know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and those who have died will be raised and live forever, is it right to grieve their death? Or is that a lack of faith?

Since everyone dies, this is an important question and one that can cause deep guilt coupled with the grief of losing a loved one. Our answers must come from the New Testament since they deeply believed and lived in hope.

Paul wrote in Philippians concerning a son in the faith who nearly died:

“I have thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, and your messenger and minister to my need, [26] for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill. [27] Indeed he was ill, near to death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow. [28] I am the more eager to send him, therefore, that you may rejoice at seeing him again, and that I may be less anxious.”  -Phil 2:25-28

Paul would have had “sorrow upon sorrow” if Epaphroditus died.

Acts 8:2 (ESV): “Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him.”

They grieved over Stephen’s death even though they knew he was with the Lord.

Acts 9:39 (ESV):  “So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them.”

They wept and grieved for those who they lost in this life.

We do not grieve as those who have no hope. But we do grieve because of our love for those who are gone and the important role they played in our lives. Please do not put guilt on those who have lost so deeply. Weep with them. Stand by them. Trust the Holy Spirit to walk them through the process in His own time.

​As we walk this incredibly painful road with our daughter and grandchildren, we truly rejoice that Aaron is in the presence of his Savior and that one day we will see him again. But for a young wife who has suddenly had half of her "oneness" taken away and three young children who no longer have their daddy in this life, deep mourning and lament are simply part of the journey they are on.

The greatest gift that can be given to them by those who love them is to walk with them and mourn with them for as long as it takes. The goodness of God is revealed when believers leave platitudes and expectations behind and help carry some of the weight of grief by simply weeping with those who weep.

When the band member who discipled Toby Keith died, Toby poetically wrote from a Body of Christ perspective. He knew where he friend was, and he rejoiced in that. But he wept for the pain it caused to lose his friend in this life:

“I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you, I’m crying for me.”