Question – My brother called me to tell me he was getting married today. I tried to show my support by telling him nothing would ever make me stop loving him but that marriage is a huge commitment and something he should be certain of before entering. While I gave my blessing I still have concern. He is 19 and has various issues surrounding him. I know we are to love people through all circumstances but I still worry even though I know the Lord does not worry about His creations. Was I wrong to show my support? He did not choose to have us present for fear of what we thought.
Answer – This a great question we all face in different ways throughout our lives with the people we love.
It’s always a difficult thing when people we love make choices that we believe are not good for them. If we didn’t love them we wouldn’t care. Because we do love them, we are concerned and we hurt for them because we know the odds are they may reap bad results from their choices.
To worry means we are not sure of the outcome and we are concerned it will be bad. God does not “worry” because He knows everyone’s outcome, but He is certainly “grieved” at our destructive choices…because He does know the bad outcome and the pain we bring upon ourselves.
It is true that God loves us no matter what we do, but because He loves us He cannot bless our bad choices…that would not be love at all. As a parent you will not stop loving your kids but you cannot bless their disobedience. If one hits the other because they are angry, runs into traffic or touches the hot stove, you can’t support or bless that and neither can the Lord.
But remember, if a person has not committed themselves to the Lord and been born again, they are not children of God and sadly, they are on their own. God has created all people but He is Father only to those who have chosen Him. And because He loves us He gives us the choice to be His child. He does not force His love on us because that would not be love but control and violation. He will lovingly deal with everyone through circumstances to give them the opportunity to call out to Him. And the Word says whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Of course, other people are not our kids so we have no right to force our choices upon them unless they want to know what we think…it’s the same with God. What do we mean and what do they think we mean when we say we “support” them in what the have chosen to do? We don’t really want to “support” bad choices because that means we agree with something that we actually think will really hurt them.
If someone is just telling us what they are going to do (or have done) but they are not asking for advice, then the best we can do is say, “I love you and I want your life to go well. If this is what you feel is right for you then I am praying that it all works out well for you.”
We don’t want be critical or rejecting (since they are not asking for our input) and we want to try and keep the door open for them to come to us if they see they have made a bad mistake. They may never choose to see it but we don’t want to become their enemies.
The prodigal son and his father are the perfect example. The son made up his mind to leave and the father didn’t fight him but let him go. But the father didn’t keep blessing or helping him either. When the son finally saw the bad choice he had made, he went home and the father fully received him. Since the father was very wealthy, he no doubt heard regular news about how badly the son was doing but he did not go get him or send money to him or talk bad about him to his neighbors. He loved him by waiting for him to see his error and turn around.
So keep praying for you brother, stay kind to him and stay quiet about his choices unless he asks. If it all goes badly, he may turn to you for advice since you have kept the relationship intact. Then you can point Him to the Lord for His help.
Mark Drake is an internationally known author, teacher and leader. He focuses on equipping leaders around the world in New Covenant Grace.